Comics Cavern

It’s finally hit me what the current New Mutants series is missing - about 400 pounds!

In all seriousness, Karma has a thirty-year track record as being the perennially overlooked New Mutant. Way back in 1982 when Bob Mcleod was designing her look for the original series, Chris Claremont told him not to bother, as he’d be killing her off within the first few issues. Why that didn’t happen has never been officially explained, but all evidence suggests that he simply forgot. If that’s not a neglected character, I don’t know what is!

You’d think that she could have some romantic drama going on, but the openly gay Shan has never had a romance play out in the comics, and if you think she’s gonna start engaging in hot girl-on-girl action now, with Disney calling the shots, you’re huffing Steam Boat fumes.

But aside from the long-resolved issues with her family, the one time that Karma was brought to the forefront (presumably on a flatbed truck) was when she was possessed by the morbidly obese Shadow King, who continued his gluttonous lifestyle while inhabiting her, then left her high and dry. And fat.

For what may have seemed at first glance a superficial plot twist, Fat Karma made for a surprisingly sympathetic storyline. The former blank-slate Shan had suffered a fate that resonated deeply with readers.

And check out those gams - could Arthur Adams bring those drumsticks to horrifically realistic life on the page, or what?

Whether or not we admit it to ourselves or others, I suspect that every man and woman, no matter how heavy, thin, or super-hot physically fit, has struggled through a long dark night of the soul, fighting the urge to just stop trying, shut out the world and just curl up with a trough of Ben & Jerry’s for the rest of our lives.

Now the New Mutants are back in their own title, and Shan is once again - forgive me - vanilla. Let’s put some meat on those bones! It’ll make for great reading, the struggle to lose the weight will help to flesh her out (sorry) as a character (and convince Cyclops to buy a Wii Fit for Utopia), and when it’s all over we’ll all be relieved to see a thin, sexy Karma - without the extra folds, but with a weightier personality!

© 2009, Comics Cavern. All rights reserved.

Related Cool Stuff:

X-Men (Widescreen Edition)

NEW MUTANTS NO. 8 THE TIES THAT BIND MARVEL COMICS! (THE NEW MUTANTS, VOLUME #2)

X-Men, Volume 2 (Marvel DVD Comic Book Collection)

See, this is the sort of thing I don’t expect we’ll be seeing anymore once Disney’s acquisition of Marvel is finalized.

The combined talents of Daniel Way and Richard Corben bring Starr the Slayer out of the quarter bin and into the gladiator arena, where he announces that he does indeed have boy parts.

© 2009, Comics Cavern. All rights reserved.

In the wake of Ultimatum, the Ultimate Marvel universe has undergone tremendous change - and to drive the point home, Marvel cancelled all of the line’s ongoing titles, then rebooted Ultimate Spider-Man and debuted the new Ultimate Avengers ongoing. Oh, and they also destroyed New York City and killed, like, almost everybody.

Iron Man is currently MIA from the new team of Ultimates, as he is busy headlining the Warren Ellis-penned mini Ultimate Armor Wars, the first issue of which opens with a look at the ruins of Manhattan through the eyes of Tony Stark. The ruined buildings, the flooding, and the masses of the dead are a lot to take in, but one of the strangest sites is this billboard, which reveals that a Marvel mainstay has defected!

It’s a whole new world (albeit with the same old spam) - and things are so upside-down that Howard the Duck has somehow become Warner Bros. property! That’s right, in the Ultimate Universe, DC Comics’ parent corporation owns Steve Gerber’s legacy and Marvel’s most important fowl (for the next few months, anyway - until Disney and its many animals take over the House of Ideas).

It’s true what the ads say - in the new Ultimate Marvel, there are no rules! Just try to keep Howard away from Ultimate George Lucas. After the Ultimatum wave, I’d say there’s no need for another disaster anytime soon.

© 2009, Comics Cavern. All rights reserved.

Damned if Daken isn’t the darkest little Mousketeer. Still, how about let’s play it safe, and even though Marvel is super-edgy-rebellious, we keep Dark Wolverine #78 out of all the boardrooms, lest it be read by the wrong people - say, our new owners? Awk-ward!

© 2009, Comics Cavern. All rights reserved.

Related Cool Stuff:

Wolverine: Origin

Wolverine Slashin Action Electronic Logan

Dark Avengers, Vol. 1: Assemble

I’ve been looking through the past several months of Marvel releases, and with the exception of the “Adventures” titles, I find it very hard to believe that many of the current titles will continue under Disney’s ownership without drastic editorial overhauls.

For instance, I have a hard time envisioning a Disney-approved comic in which demons climb out of Master Pandemonium’s undies to munch on his belly-fat, as in this instant classic from Ghost Rider: Heaven’s on Fire #2 .

Great, now I’ve got that Fred Schneider song “Monster in my Pants” stuck in my head.

© 2009, Comics Cavern. All rights reserved.

Related Cool Stuff:

The Last Stand (Ghost Rider)

Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road

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