Ultimate X: Wolverine Jr. pops his cherry.

The world’s least subtle writer, Jeph Loeb, pounds us over the head with the “mutant-as-troubled-teenager” metaphor that has made all things “X” so successful since the Claremont days.

Aw jeez - they’re letting Jeph Loeb back into the Ultimate Universe?

If the purpose of the post-Ultimatum reboot was to clear out the junk and keep what works, they should keep Ultimate Spider-Man and jettison everything else. If Bendis wants to use characters from other books in USM, let him. Boom. Ultimate Marvel: all killer, no filler.

One stipulation - and this is a deal-breaker, absolutely non-negotiable - different haircut for Peter! He looks like Jake from Squirt TV (back when he was a spunky 15-year-old, not his current incarnation as a creepy balding 30-something).